my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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