Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
