How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
