i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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