Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
