dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
