smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
