I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
