Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
