I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
