i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
