Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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