so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
