I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
