Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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