i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you traded sex for a burrito?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
