explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
