did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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