Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't think brook has ever known best
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
