can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
