I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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