i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
