Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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