I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
