Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
