That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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