and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Girls should come with a carfax report
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
