I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
