New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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