I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
