Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
