Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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