i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
