Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
