He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
