Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
