My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
