Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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