I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
