I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
