see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
