so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
