dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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