My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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