Sponge bath it is.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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