pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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