someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
