My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just took my morning after pill in the library
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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