Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
bring money and cleavage
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
