Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
