The maid of honor just puked.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
