Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
