so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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