I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
