im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
