The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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