You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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