what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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