Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize