PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
