Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
