She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
