I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
