so that wasnt chicken after all
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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