Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sext me about skeletons
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
