Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
