her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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