Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
