how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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