dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
