It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
