she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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