Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
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