Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
