70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
