I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize