and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
