Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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