I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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