her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize