Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize