My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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