My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
