If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize