If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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