capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
