I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
