i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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