I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
