I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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