watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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