He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
