I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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