Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
