I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
