Nicole vs. Life
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
