Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
