I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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