Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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