I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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