i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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