I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
