I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
