You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
