can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
