My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
