Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
