Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
