i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
